Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
