Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
