Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
