he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
