So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
