Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
