Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
