I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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