so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
