when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish they made helmets for livers.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
