I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
