I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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