the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
