you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
