Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
