I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
