I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
