WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
