You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm really busy with my period
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