my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
