Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
