you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
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