She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
