Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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