everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
