**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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