But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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