WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
