Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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