I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
