whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
