dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
