They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
