just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
