Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
