rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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