hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize