Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
