i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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