I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
