My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
