you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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