i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
