not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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