I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
