eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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