just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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