She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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