I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so that wasnt chicken after all
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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