So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
