why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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